Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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