I'm going to jail i love you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
