I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
