My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
