Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
