i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
