Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
