she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
