she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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