It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We smell like vodka and hangover
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
