oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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