we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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