I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
