Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
