I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize