we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
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