Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize