Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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