Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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