This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
