Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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