I just saw a hot homeless man
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
