Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
