Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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