drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
