My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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