Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
