Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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