There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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