i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
