we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize