im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
