i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
