Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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