Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
