i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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