my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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