I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
