Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
