Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
