you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
