I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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