so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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