Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I need moral support for this bender
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
