I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
