I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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