When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
