bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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