She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
