My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
