I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
