Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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