Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
