But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
