its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize