There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
