Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In America we eat man semen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize