You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize