3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
