i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
