Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
