You can't special order awesome
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
