I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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