Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We're too hungover to prance.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
