I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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