why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
