remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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