I heard we made out
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
