No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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