Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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