I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
