am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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